Graveyard visit, England

Children welcome chance to talk about death

One of the six modules of Zippy’s Friends helps children to cope with change and loss, including the most profound loss – death. Teachers help the children to speak openly and ask questions about death, and there is even an opportunity for the whole class to visit a graveyard.


Many teachers and parents are wary of this session, worrying that it will be too distressing for the children, but experience in different countries and cultures shows that children actually welcome the chance to talk about a subject which is often taboo.

That is what happened recently in Hong Kong.

‘To our surprise, we found that the module about change and loss was particularly popular,’ said programme co-ordinator Amanda Wong. ‘Five of the schools and kindergartens in the programme organised visits to graveyards, and the teachers reported that the visits were very successful and that the children had a lot of questions. Even schools that didn’t visit graveyards had good discussions about death, and found that the children already seemed to know quite a lot.’

This mirrors the experience in other countries. A major evaluation study in Denmark and Lithuania found that, despite teachers’ initial misgivings, the class outing to a graveyard was rated as the most useful session of all.

Programme Manager Caroline Egar said that parents often comment on how helpful it is for their children to have an opportunity to talk about death.

A mother told her son’s class teacher that he had found it much easier to cope with the death of his grandmother because he had already talked about the issue in his Zippy’s Friends class,’ she said.

‘A teacher told me that, one year after her class discussed death in Zippy’s Friends, a girl’s father died. The teacher was impressed that the girl’s classmates remembered what they could do to comfort her. One child gave her a toy, and another gave her a box in which to keep things that would remind her of her Dad.’

Graveyard visit, Brazil

Prof Brian Mishara, a trustee of Partnership for Children, explained: ‘It is useful for children to talk about death, so that they can test whether their understanding is similar to what other children and adults think, and express feelings they may have kept inside about the death of a loved one. Children are rarely given this opportunity because most adults are hesitant to discuss death with them.’

Teachers report that discussing death in Zippy’s Friends provides a release for some children. In particular, those who have suffered a bereavement in their families – grandparent, parent or sibling – welcome the chance to talk about it. There have even been cases of teachers finding out for the first time about a death in a child’s family.

Prof Mishara said: ‘Usually, discussions of death with children do not need much input from a parent or teacher. Children have a lot to say about the topic and are quick to react when another child expresses an unusual or less mature belief. Children are generally comforted by realizing that this sometimes taboo topic is really not as mysterious or frightening as some adults would lead them to believe.’

> Read about how young children react to change and loss and how they can be helped to deal with it.
> Read about the importance of discussing death with children.
> Click here for a list of websites that provide information and resources to help children who have been bereaved.